polyoz.net.au

Hello from Mr Shadow

G'Day,

  Just a quick note to anybody who may come across this.  My wife
and I are new to open marriage/ polyamory.  After some recent events where
we both started developing and pursuing our feelings for other people, we
decided that rather than cheat on each other, split up or deny ourselves our
feelings we would give this a go.  As it turns out, these people weren't
interested in our approaches.  Never mind, plenty more fish in the sea.

  We are pondering how to come out and who to come out to. 
Obviously, people who we are wanting to bring into the relationship need to
know.  My best friends know and so does the person I was interested in (it
wasn't our choice of lifestyle that turned her off btw - she just wasn't into
me 'that way').  Family could be difficult, but it is something we were
aware of before deciding to live an alternative lifestyle.  Some conservative
friends could be difficult too.  So why did we decide on this alternative
lifestyle?  We both have a belief that there is more than one love out
there for any single person. 

  And like parents who have, and love EQUALLY, multiple children, why
can't we do the same with our loves?  Of course, this also has a side
effect for our marriage.  While it is still technically possible to cheat
in an open relationship, we don't need to be concerned about it as we know that
if either one of us is going to, or has; slept with someone or gone on dates
with another person we would tell each other.  NO more staying up late
wondering where she is and why there are large/suspicious amounts of money
missing from the bank account.  I know she'll tell me.  This removes
one area of stress in a traditional marriage.  How many times have you
heard at the local cafe (or in Hollywood movies) someone complaining to their
friend that (s)he is concerned their partner is cheating on them.  I will
know when my wife is 'cheating' with someone... she'll come right out and tell
me.  My wife will know when I’m in a bar picking up because I'll tell her
before I go out that if I get the chance, I'll pickup.  It's all about
communication.

  Neither of us has actually gone the whole nine yards and started a
relationship, or slept with anybody else so we are yet to come across the jealousy
aspect of this relationship.  I am a naturally joust person however; I
have no joust feelings about my wife being with someone else either sexually or
emotionally.  We have a rule that cannot be broken - the marriage comes
first.  Yes, we are one of those people who have a hierarchical
relationship structure.  If ever there are any troubles in the marriage or
either one of us is uncomfortable with the others partner/activities, the
secondary relationship gets put on hold.  Sounds harsh, but we are not
going to jeopardize our marriage.  We love each other far too much.

  Anyway, that'll do for now.  I have some thoughts and concerns
about public and workplace views on our chosen alternative lifestyle but that
can wait for another time. 

Cheers

MrShadow

Here we are again it's nearly Christmas

Wow I have been missing in action for a while and am not sure how often I will be here again. I have been studying this year and now have developed a taste for it so I'm going back for more next year. Hehehehehe sounds like me in soooo many ways. 

As Tas has said he is wanting to step back a little so it looks like I will need to learn more about how to run here> This learning I am not excited about I am the classical techno bimbo ,It took me ages to figure out how to get this blog to work, in the end gave up and asked Tas. So please be patient or any offers of help will be very very greatfully accepted not just by myself but the Poly community as a whole.

So now on to more joyful things. I t has been a great year for me and my personal poly journey. It has been up and down with how well it has worked and I have blundered along getting it wrong at times and right at others. One very right period was a family holiday to Tasmania this was a highlight as I had time to get to know Tas's other love much better than I did before and her to get to know me. Thankfully the kids also found out that they can get along well and enjoy being around each other. Yippee I was worried that it was going to all go pear shaped with kids at each others throats.

Next major thing right was taking time to all sit down and talk about what we all need and expect from our relationship and doing the hard part of setting up personal boundaries. This worked well as we had never really talked about what we all want from each other. This was hardest on Tas as I think he felt the women ganged up on him and out voted him on some things. This was an eye opener for me as in the past I would not of spoken up and said what I needed and asked for others opinon on it. This was all new and refreshing. It was a yes moment for me I didn't get everything I wanted but neither did Tas or his lover but we all have enough of what we need to make it work.

Personally I have learnt so much this year about myself and now I just want to know more. I am so grateful that I have supportive partners who want me to grow.

i went to the camping weekend up here near Bendigo again over the Queen's Birthday weekend and it was great. I would recommend it to all. It was relaxing and full of great conversation and food as always. I was very comfortable the weekend is all about kicking back and enjoying life's simple things a campfire , spa and great company. Who could ask for anything else. Well maybe some things. The hospitally was great with heaps of room for all. Some where camping others used the yurt while others used the lounge inside. This was a smaller group than the June weekend but still very very enjoyable.

That's all from me for now and I wish you all the best for the holidays and hope you have a joyous Christmas and New Year. I am planning on having more family time with everyone together that would be my ideal Christmas I suprises myself this year and want to build on that.

Cheers for now Tigersgirl

Getting Towards the End

Well, here we are some months down the track, had my ups and downs with my healh and issues along the way with the design of the site.

I'm still struggling with IE 8 and the way it reads javascript, but undoubtably that is a bridge I will cross, the biggest holdup is getting hold of a bridge for the forums so I can move across the phpBB forums from the old site, but that is something that we will just have to pay to get built - looks like the forums wont be integrated until we can do some more fund raising.

After I have finished developing the site I think I will fade off slowly into retirement and hand over the reigns of actual day to day running of the site to others, 8 years has been a long time and really I am tired and it's time I just settled down and lived the lifestyle - I will leave the politics to others and they can all argue over what is right and what is wrong.

Honestly I have put enough of my time, money and effort into this and have met good people along the - my thanks go out to those who have helped both materially and financialy - it is much appreciatted.

From here on in it is up to the members of this site where it goes and what happens with it - it's your community make of it what you will.

I will still stick my head in from time to time and post etc - I just won't be putting in the hours I have been administering the site.

So folks - adios for now and I will catch you around the net somewhere or in the forums.