PolyOz

Seems as though polyamory is starting to "come out" worldwide as can be seen by this article from the Jakarta Post

Aside from the huge gasp that reverberates throughout the country, the response toward the sex tape involving television personality Cut Tari and rock star Nazriel “Ariel” Ilham, has been somewhat varied.

Keepers of traditional values were disappointed with what they viewed as “irresponsible” behavior from a wife. Many others criticized her husband for being too soft on her, in spite of an extra-marital affair with another man. But for a large number of trend watchers in Jakarta, the sex tape is more proof that what they term as an “open marriage” is alive and well in the city.

Open marriage, loosely defined as a marriage in which partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without being regarded as infidelity, is barely a novelty in what is a seemingly conservative society like ours, although it gained less notoriety than the case of polygamy, which has been accepted in the country for decades.

Many of you in in a three way relationship may relate to this article - there are a lot of misconceptions out there as Polyamory Paradigm explains in his Blog

You and me and you, a threesome!
If you have ever had this conversation, raise your hand. . .

Be my Valentine asks Eric Francis Coppolino in his article published @ Chronogram Magazine January 31, 2011

When I first started writing for Chronogram, I succeeded in causing a controversy.

Oh really? you say. And how was that?

Well, I wrote a three-part series on polyamory—that is, on what some call “responsible nonmonogamy” and others call “open relationships.” I guess this was around 1997. It seems like so long ago. I started the first of the three articles by coming out of the closet as polyamorous; I thought it was a good idea to get that fact out of the way. I love relationships and the art of relating, and I like to connect with whomever it feels right to relate to, in whatever way is mutually agreeable. (Trust me, those terms and conditions don’t leave a lot of room for the anarchy you may think is brewing.)

Sometimes, in the course of human events, one needs to go back and clarify one's definitions.  For the term and concept "polyamory," now seems like just such a time: Sex at Dawn has brought the idea of humans as a non-monogamous species into the mainstream, Canada's case against polygamy has brought polyamorous families to the forefront, and people who are interested in multiple intimate emotional entanglements are still struggling to differentiate themselves from swingers.

But polyamory can mean so many things to so many people that some people are struggling to make sure the definition doesn't become too broad.  The Polyamory Paradigm blog, for instance, finds that poly-tantra activist Janet Kira Lessin's descriptions of six-way orgies at the Poly Living Conference seem more swinger-like than poly-like.  Alan at Polyamory in the News has expressed concerns that with the gradual mainstreaming of polyamory, people will try it in uninformed and dishonest ways and make the lifestyle look naive and impossible to those being exposed to it for the first time.  Even Deborah Anapol, pioneer of polyamory in the '80s and author of the original Love Without Limits, allows for the labeling of open or potentially open marriages as "new monogamy."

Single for years but ready for a relationship, journalist Dawn Porter travels the world experiencing some of the extreme ways women find love and live with men.

 Not quite ready to settle down with one man, Dawn Porter explores the world of polyamory, or free love, and lives with people who share their partners. Her journey begins in San Diego, California where a husband and wife run a kind of free love school and try to teach Dawn to open up to free love. Dawn experiments with role playing, some more physical group exercise, and finally a quick session in the school hot tub. Next, travelling to the former Soviet Union, Dawn exposes a Mail Order Bride industry that profits off men hoping to find love in a week.

Having dabbled a bit, Dawn travels to Zegg, a 1960’s style commune isolated in former East Germany, where members live a polyamorous utopian lifestyle. Before she leaves, Dawn witnesses the downside of free love and meets some of its victims. In the end, Dawn herself has the chance to experience one of the most extreme and controversial practices of this strange community.

Then, with international headlines blaring about abuse in the Mormon community, Dawn goes inside a Mormon town and lives with polygamous husbands and wives. Finally, Dawn travels to the heart of Geishadom, Kyoto Japan, where she trains as a geisha and learns the fine art of pleasing men.

Will these experiences teach her more about what she wants to do? What are the costs of living these extreme ways? And does it really make these people happy?

Saturdays at 8:30pm 8.30pm from February 19 on BBC Knowledge

It might seem like a silly question.  I mean, if you are poly, then there can be no cheating, right?  This is entirely false, and I will show you why.

When you enter into a poly relationship, you hopefully do so with the consent and the knowledge of all those involved.  When you find a new girlfriend, you do not “forget” to tell her about your wife, nor do you remove your wedding ring when you head to the bar.  For unmarried couples who are getting into poly, these same rules apply.  To do otherwise is deceptive to the person that is kept in the dark.

Let me make it clear, also, that if you are having sex with other people and your partner does not know… this is not poly, it is cheating.  Trying to dress it up with a legitimate label is false, and it sure won’t save your butt when you get caught.
That said, it is also important to know that poly relationships differ from each other.  My husband and I are fluid bonded (obviously), but we are not allowed within our relationship to have unprotected sex with other people.  If I were to go enjoy some fellow, everything would be find in our world.  If I did so without a condom, it would be a violation of his trust, and would be considered cheating.  Some couples require that sex only be engaged in when both members of the couple are present with the third (or more).  Some prefer that their partner inform them at least 24 hours before they have a date.  Some require permission before anyone is allowed to enjoy another person physically.

Whatever the limits of the poly relationship, breaking those limits is a betrayal of trust and, yes, it is cheating.  Some people even cheat on purpose, perhaps seeing the person that they care for but that their primary partner does not approve of.  In poly, trust and respect are very important, and cheating is a devastating betrayal of trust to which even we are not immune.

Original Article © March 5, 2008 Polyamory from the Inside Out

For some, being polyamorous provides more love and support for the kids than does being in a monogamous household.

Polyamory -- the notion that committed love relationships can involve more than two consenting adults -- is a bit like swinging, with one key difference: Love and commitment are  the focus, not sexual hookups. For some, polyamorous relationships involve three or more adults, and no other new partners ever enter the equation. For others, polyamory becomes an even more fluid family dynamic.

Raising kids in a polyamorous household has its advantages, say polyamorists. After all, more adults means more hands to help with household chores such as doing laundry, making dinner, getting kids ready for bed and scheduling playdates. With more adults, there's also more money to go around. Kids enjoy the benefits of a large, extended family network. Polyamorous parents insist that their kids also learn valuable communication skills simply from watching their parents navigate the tricky terrain of managing more than one lover at a time.

- Percy Byshe Shelley

The road to Polyamory Utopia is long and twisting. There are many learning curves and it is dotted with potholes and littered with road kill. The rewards are great on arrival but there is a price to pay.   You have to learn how to negotiate this road and unfortunately our parents, peers, teachers, and clerics have not been too helpful in guiding us along the way.

But we are learning  Brad Blanton, the author of Radical Honesty, in a keynote address at a Loving More conference several years ago said, “You guys are the research and development arm of society”.    And as researchers we will make mistakes .

But we also learn as we make mistakes. In observing the Poly community over the past 10 years it has become apparent to me that there are some basic principles, I call them Pillars, that everyone must understand and internalize to be able to successfully negotiate the road to Polyamory.

Suggested publications: Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Cleo

Angie* was introduced to Ray* by a co-worker. She didn’t know much about him at all, but sometimes when she was waiting to cross the road in the mornings on her way to work she would see him kiss a woman goodbye at the front of their workplace. Angie just assumed that the woman was his girlfriend, and thought no more of it.

At work their paths crossed more often, and their conversations were quite professional until one day Ray cracked a joke and made Angie laugh. Their friendship developed and she found herself talking about her own relationship problems when they’d go for walks in their lunch hour. One day, Ray said, “You do know that I’ve got a girlfriend, don’t you?” He went on to say that he was still married and living together with his wife and children, and that his wife knew about his girlfriend. Ray explained that they were in an open, polyamorous relationship.

When Ray got a message from his wife, Liz*, saying that she had arrived at her lover’s house to engage in some afternoon delight, Angie finally understood. She found this confronting, but also liberating. Hearing that two adults could have an honest and open relationship with such a high level of communication was astounding to her.

Angie and Ray’s relationship became closer and eventually they found themselves in a physical relationship. Ray told her that he openly discussed their relationship with his wife, and of Liz’s positive reaction to the events. A week later, Angie met Liz.

*Names have been changed to protect identities

OPENING A CONVERSATION ABOUT MULTIPLE LOVERS, HONESTY AND RESPECT IS NO SIMPLE MATTER, SAYS REBECCA FITZGIBBON

- article originally published Hobart Mercury 23/2/2008 -

THE thought-provoking Big Love returns to Tasmanian television screens tonight, as SBS repeats the challenging drama about a Mormon polygamist family in Utah.

The series caused only a few ripples of disapproval when it aired last year, even though it coincided with a real-life news story of a Mormon "prophet" accused of incest and rape.

But polygamy is only one form of polyamory and the creators of Big Love aimed to show that polyamorous relationships aren't just for fringe cults

The word "polyamory" comes from the Latin for "many loves". Also called "consensual non-monogamy", polyamory is essentially a romantic relationship involving more than two people.

A defining factor of poly relationships is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else's involvement.

Former Tasmanian Shane Jones is administrator of the Australian online network of poly communities, PolyOz (polyoz.dhs.org).

Now living in Victoria, he believes the important goal is encouraging understanding. "Big Love does actually portray well in that the women are there by their own choosing they join the relationship," he said. "The important thing is that it's made clear to people that no one is coerced into it.

"[Big Love] does portray them in quite an enjoyable and recognisable light; I think anyone can relate to that. Big Love's creators have done quite well."
Channel 9 declined a first option for screening Big Love. Then, after its success on SBS, Nine approached Shane, his two female partners and other PolyOz members with an interview request from 60 Minutes.

They declined the interview, as well as one with Woman's Day, which offered $3000 each for interviews. Potential sensationalism made them wary, despite their being willing to discuss the reality of polyamorous life.

"Acceptance is the biggest thing," Shane said. "The challenge that we're facing today is probably what the gay community was facing in the '70s . . . and educating the public that we're not a bunch of child molesters or preying at large, out to get people."