PolyOz

Time and time again the subject of sex and jealousy is raised in discussions about our lifestyle, in this article from his Blog, Polyamory Paradigm gives us his view on the subject:

Recently I was talking with a partner of mine about her potential new lover who is a contradiction to her normal tastes and desires. Being a bit confused, I asked some questions to which I got a response that surprised me. Referring to her potential new partner she said, "We are poly. You know I'm going to sleep with other people so I didn't think you would care."That got me to thinking about conversations I've had with potential new partners of my own. One of my relationship rules is that I know about any new sexual partners they acquire before we have sex together again. Let me be clear with that one. It isn't that I must know before they have sex with a new partner (though that is my preference), I want to know they have had sex with a new partner before I have sex with them again so I can gauge my feelings about safety. Often the response I get to that rule is much like the one my current partner gave; "You're poly. Why would you care if I sleep with someone else?"

Many of you in in a three way relationship may relate to this article - there are a lot of misconceptions out there as Polyamory Paradigm explains in his Blog

You and me and you, a threesome!
If you have ever had this conversation, raise your hand. . .

- Percy Byshe Shelley

The road to Polyamory Utopia is long and twisting. There are many learning curves and it is dotted with potholes and littered with road kill. The rewards are great on arrival but there is a price to pay.   You have to learn how to negotiate this road and unfortunately our parents, peers, teachers, and clerics have not been too helpful in guiding us along the way.

But we are learning  Brad Blanton, the author of Radical Honesty, in a keynote address at a Loving More conference several years ago said, “You guys are the research and development arm of society”.    And as researchers we will make mistakes .

But we also learn as we make mistakes. In observing the Poly community over the past 10 years it has become apparent to me that there are some basic principles, I call them Pillars, that everyone must understand and internalize to be able to successfully negotiate the road to Polyamory.

Origianlly published - The Times April 8, 2005

© Jane Shilling / The Times

Some of you may be thinking that this is just a fancy new word for what our grandparents used daringly to call “free love” — a form of behaviour which, in one guise or another, has surely been going on as long as human reproduction itself. But there is evidently more to it than that, for a couple of polyamorous psychologists, Dr Meg Barker of London South Bank University and Ani Ritchie of the Southampton Institute, have gone to all the trouble of presenting a paper on the phenomenon to the British Psychological Society.

Miss Ritchie and Dr Barker are themselves polyamorous, as it happens, with each other, and lots of other people as well. This is how it works: Dr Barker has “two main partners — Ani and Erich — and two other fairly regular partners. I live with two, spending about half my time with each, and see the other two maybe once a week. Two are male, two are female.” Oh, do try and keep up at the back.

Initially, the polyamorists were anxious about polyphobia from friends and family — “coming out is hard”. But, as Dr Barker cheerily remarked: “After an initial ‘Eek!’ most of them have settled down to the idea.” As for the children of these polyandrous ménages, well, they’re fine too: “Some of us have children and they’re as good as any parent.” Though how she can be sure, until those children grow up into happy, well balanced adults — or not, as the case may be — she does not say.

Leaving aside, for a moment, the objections to polyamory of traditional Christian morality, to which British society still vaguely adheres as an ideal, it is still not hard to think of reasons not to become polyamorous. All the skittering about from household to household, for a start. Half a week with one lover, half with the other, plus a couple of nights with each other’s others. You’d have to keep a full set of kit in every household: four toothbrushes, four hairbrushes, four lots of face cream, and tights and underwear . . . Imagine the expense!

Originally Published in The Times April 4, 2005

© Lewis Smith / The Times

TWO academics have boldly declared their love — not just for each other but also for the other partners in their multi-lover relationship.

“I am a polyamoric,” each told a spellbound audience at the weekend as they tried to explain their life together.

Like homosexuals before them, polyamorics are having to invent a terminology to define their relationships that is comprehensible to the wider world.

Polyamory is people having multiple partners openly and consensually, often of both genders, and fully aware that each of their partners will have other lovers.

As they opened a window on to the infant culture of polyamorism Ani Ritchie and Meg Barker went on to introduce fellow psychologists to the world of frubbling, wibble, metamours and ethical sluts.

Miss Richie, from the Southampton Institute, and Dr Barker, a senior lecturer at London South Bank University, are lovers, each living together for half the time and each having other partners.

OPENING A CONVERSATION ABOUT MULTIPLE LOVERS, HONESTY AND RESPECT IS NO SIMPLE MATTER, SAYS REBECCA FITZGIBBON

- article originally published Hobart Mercury 23/2/2008 -

THE thought-provoking Big Love returns to Tasmanian television screens tonight, as SBS repeats the challenging drama about a Mormon polygamist family in Utah.

The series caused only a few ripples of disapproval when it aired last year, even though it coincided with a real-life news story of a Mormon "prophet" accused of incest and rape.

But polygamy is only one form of polyamory and the creators of Big Love aimed to show that polyamorous relationships aren't just for fringe cults

The word "polyamory" comes from the Latin for "many loves". Also called "consensual non-monogamy", polyamory is essentially a romantic relationship involving more than two people.

A defining factor of poly relationships is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else's involvement.

Former Tasmanian Shane Jones is administrator of the Australian online network of poly communities, PolyOz (polyoz.dhs.org).

Now living in Victoria, he believes the important goal is encouraging understanding. "Big Love does actually portray well in that the women are there by their own choosing they join the relationship," he said. "The important thing is that it's made clear to people that no one is coerced into it.

"[Big Love] does portray them in quite an enjoyable and recognisable light; I think anyone can relate to that. Big Love's creators have done quite well."
Channel 9 declined a first option for screening Big Love. Then, after its success on SBS, Nine approached Shane, his two female partners and other PolyOz members with an interview request from 60 Minutes.

They declined the interview, as well as one with Woman's Day, which offered $3000 each for interviews. Potential sensationalism made them wary, despite their being willing to discuss the reality of polyamorous life.

"Acceptance is the biggest thing," Shane said. "The challenge that we're facing today is probably what the gay community was facing in the '70s . . . and educating the public that we're not a bunch of child molesters or preying at large, out to get people."

POLYFIDELITY: THE CONTEMPORARY EGALITARIAN REINCARNATION OF POLYGAMY

-PRESENTED TO THE W. A. SEXOLOGY SOCIETY 17 FEBRUARY 1993

BY CARL W. TURNEY CO-FOUNDER BEYOND MONOGAMY INC.

TRIAD

You want to know how it will be

Me and her or you and me

You both sit there, with your long hair flowing

Your eyes are alive; your minds are still growing

Saying to me "What can we do now that we both love you"

I love you too

But I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

You are afraid, embarrassed too

No one has ever said such a thing to you

Your mother's ghost stands at your shoulder

Got a face like ice, just a little colder

Saying to you "You can not do that

It breaks all the rules you learned in school"

I don't really see, why can't we go on as three

We love each other it's plain to see

There's just one answer comes to me

Sister lovers -- water brothers

And in time, maybe others

So you see what we can do, is to try something new --

That is if you're crazy too

I don't really see why can't we go on as three

David Crosby

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young