PolyOz

Time and time again the subject of sex and jealousy is raised in discussions about our lifestyle, in this article from his Blog, Polyamory Paradigm gives us his view on the subject:

Recently I was talking with a partner of mine about her potential new lover who is a contradiction to her normal tastes and desires. Being a bit confused, I asked some questions to which I got a response that surprised me. Referring to her potential new partner she said, "We are poly. You know I'm going to sleep with other people so I didn't think you would care."That got me to thinking about conversations I've had with potential new partners of my own. One of my relationship rules is that I know about any new sexual partners they acquire before we have sex together again. Let me be clear with that one. It isn't that I must know before they have sex with a new partner (though that is my preference), I want to know they have had sex with a new partner before I have sex with them again so I can gauge my feelings about safety. Often the response I get to that rule is much like the one my current partner gave; "You're poly. Why would you care if I sleep with someone else?"

- Percy Byshe Shelley

The road to Polyamory Utopia is long and twisting. There are many learning curves and it is dotted with potholes and littered with road kill. The rewards are great on arrival but there is a price to pay.   You have to learn how to negotiate this road and unfortunately our parents, peers, teachers, and clerics have not been too helpful in guiding us along the way.

But we are learning  Brad Blanton, the author of Radical Honesty, in a keynote address at a Loving More conference several years ago said, “You guys are the research and development arm of society”.    And as researchers we will make mistakes .

But we also learn as we make mistakes. In observing the Poly community over the past 10 years it has become apparent to me that there are some basic principles, I call them Pillars, that everyone must understand and internalize to be able to successfully negotiate the road to Polyamory.

Im very new to all things poly having just recently having my 18 year marraige ended by my husband.

If i had of been asked two months ago would i been involved in a poly relationship i would of said not on your life but saying that i think it was more out of the belief that it was weird or wrong because thats the way i had only every seen them depicted.

.I havnt gone looking for a lifestyle change but i have more fallen into it. I was on an internet chat site when a add for a online dating site popped up and i thought hay why not join. I did and a guy replied with a wink. When i looked at his profile it really made me take notice. He lived locally and his life was a carbon copy of my own apart from one thing he said he had a girlfreind he saw sometimes.

This i thought nothing really about as i wanted to meet him if for nothing more than as a freind i knew would understand me so i sent him a message. When we meet later that day it was like coming home to an old comfy chair it just felt like this is where im meant to be. We chatted for 2 hours and i dont think i have laughed so much in years. We decided we want to see each other again so he asked me to go to his place the next night for tea. This i found really scarey as it meant i was going to meet his kids. As it turned out it was the best night and i felt right at home from the moment i walked in. We have talked and talked and i found myself falling hard and fast for him and i had to stop and think what im i getting into.

It has been a uneasy journey for me at times coming to terms with a change in the way i think. I also haqve found i have feelings for more than one person at the moment and i still want to see where my feeling for my other freind will go so i understand Shanes needs to still have his relationship which his other partner. I think the fact im feeling love for both the men i n my life at the moment has made me accepting of the poly lifestyle as where before i would of felt like oh now i have to choice between who i want and at this stage im not prepared to do that and im now saying well why do i have to.

I can see that i was thinking i had to only because it is the "normal" way that life works but there really isnt anything "normal" about my life anyway i have a disabled son who is with me for life and who will always take up alot of my time and energy so i dont have a normal life. I

have meet Shanes other Partner and i think it was properly the most nerve racking thing i have ever done but i made it through after alot of drinks before hand and i discovered it wasnt as bad as i feared it would be. I know we wil have our issues to overcome but now i look at what i will lose if i give up and i believe that what Shane and i have is very special and worth the effort that it will take to make this work and now i can say i also want to be able to see where my freindship in tassie can lead as well,

I wont ever see him often just because of our commitments and where we both live but i do want to be able to see him when we can arrange it. This is a large step for me but its a step im jumping into with my eyes open.