PolyOz

Seems as though polyamory is starting to "come out" worldwide as can be seen by this article from the Jakarta Post

Aside from the huge gasp that reverberates throughout the country, the response toward the sex tape involving television personality Cut Tari and rock star Nazriel “Ariel” Ilham, has been somewhat varied.

Keepers of traditional values were disappointed with what they viewed as “irresponsible” behavior from a wife. Many others criticized her husband for being too soft on her, in spite of an extra-marital affair with another man. But for a large number of trend watchers in Jakarta, the sex tape is more proof that what they term as an “open marriage” is alive and well in the city.

Open marriage, loosely defined as a marriage in which partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without being regarded as infidelity, is barely a novelty in what is a seemingly conservative society like ours, although it gained less notoriety than the case of polygamy, which has been accepted in the country for decades.

Time and time again the subject of sex and jealousy is raised in discussions about our lifestyle, in this article from his Blog, Polyamory Paradigm gives us his view on the subject:

Recently I was talking with a partner of mine about her potential new lover who is a contradiction to her normal tastes and desires. Being a bit confused, I asked some questions to which I got a response that surprised me. Referring to her potential new partner she said, "We are poly. You know I'm going to sleep with other people so I didn't think you would care."That got me to thinking about conversations I've had with potential new partners of my own. One of my relationship rules is that I know about any new sexual partners they acquire before we have sex together again. Let me be clear with that one. It isn't that I must know before they have sex with a new partner (though that is my preference), I want to know they have had sex with a new partner before I have sex with them again so I can gauge my feelings about safety. Often the response I get to that rule is much like the one my current partner gave; "You're poly. Why would you care if I sleep with someone else?"

Many of you in in a three way relationship may relate to this article - there are a lot of misconceptions out there as Polyamory Paradigm explains in his Blog

You and me and you, a threesome!
If you have ever had this conversation, raise your hand. . .

Be my Valentine asks Eric Francis Coppolino in his article published @ Chronogram Magazine January 31, 2011

When I first started writing for Chronogram, I succeeded in causing a controversy.

Oh really? you say. And how was that?

Well, I wrote a three-part series on polyamory—that is, on what some call “responsible nonmonogamy” and others call “open relationships.” I guess this was around 1997. It seems like so long ago. I started the first of the three articles by coming out of the closet as polyamorous; I thought it was a good idea to get that fact out of the way. I love relationships and the art of relating, and I like to connect with whomever it feels right to relate to, in whatever way is mutually agreeable. (Trust me, those terms and conditions don’t leave a lot of room for the anarchy you may think is brewing.)

First, there are no rules. Nobody owns the copyright on polyamory. You get to build your own to fit you and your dearloves.

One thing that comes up in every conversation about polyamory is communication. If there is any basic building block, this is probably it. If you can talk about your hopes, you're on the way to realizing them.

If you're in a relationship already, and have not talked about how you feel and what you want, and you're asking the question "How do I start doing this poly stuff?", you may have some qualms about talking to your partner. What you do will have to be determined by your own ethics and your own situation; chances are that if you ask on the newsgroup, many polyfolk will suggest you talk it over with your partner, and they may point out that even if you two do not decide to live polyamorously, you may very well increase the intimacy level in your monogamous dyad by having the discussion.

Swinging is not polyamory, and the difference is often a sore spot when poly people are speaking with non-polys about what polyamory is. Swinging is generally recreational sex with little emotional involvement. Swinging is typically done by couples attending special swing venues or parties together. Swinging communities often have rules, explicit or implied, against falling in love with others in your swing group.

Sometimes people who swing tire of sex for its own sake and wish for more personal and intimate connections. Two or more couples who swing together frequently may simply grow to become close life friends and/or desire more. In either case, people may find themselves drifting away from swinging and into the wonderful and challenging world of polyamory.

Conversely, polyamorists can be swingers too, happy to enjoy an occasional no-strings fling at a party or sex club. But the two circles tend to be different in terms of sociology, class, philosophy, and intellectual background. Many polys shun swinging because of negative connotation associated with it. The mainstream attitude is that swinging is wrong and immoral; the mainstream attitude toward polyamory is similar, but polys usually resist being stigmatized as caring only about sex.

A group could be an open triad with a relationship agreement stating that swinging is OK, and one or more of the participants engages in swinging. The triad relationship would still be polyamorous, but the relationship with the outside swinging partners would not necessarily be.

originally published © http://knol.google.com/k/james-o-neill/polyamory/3czmgkncteg8o/2

www.meetup.com/Brisbane-polyamorists/calendar/13683339/

or contact Adam

Originally Published in The Times April 4, 2005

© Lewis Smith / The Times

TWO academics have boldly declared their love — not just for each other but also for the other partners in their multi-lover relationship.

“I am a polyamoric,” each told a spellbound audience at the weekend as they tried to explain their life together.

Like homosexuals before them, polyamorics are having to invent a terminology to define their relationships that is comprehensible to the wider world.

Polyamory is people having multiple partners openly and consensually, often of both genders, and fully aware that each of their partners will have other lovers.

As they opened a window on to the infant culture of polyamorism Ani Ritchie and Meg Barker went on to introduce fellow psychologists to the world of frubbling, wibble, metamours and ethical sluts.

Miss Richie, from the Southampton Institute, and Dr Barker, a senior lecturer at London South Bank University, are lovers, each living together for half the time and each having other partners.

Originally Published in the Times April 9, 2005

© Times 2005

Polyamory means free love that isn’t entirely free. Dr Meg Barker, a senior lecturer in psychology at London South Bank University and a practitioner of polyamory, explains that it is about “the recognition of multiple important relationships”. It is the belief that it is quite proper to have simultaneous relationships with “more than one loving and sexual partner”. It isn’t just casual sex since the sex comes with relationships.

Barker claims that such unconventional ways of conducting one’s love life require a new vocabulary. As well as polyamory, there is “wibble”, low-grade jealousy; “metamour”, the relationship a polyamoric has with a lover’s partner; and “frubbly”, joy at a partner’s happiness with other lovers. But does the novelty of this language indicate anything new? Isn’t it the old concept of open relationships served up with a new linguistic sauce?

Suggested publications: Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Cleo

Angie* was introduced to Ray* by a co-worker. She didn’t know much about him at all, but sometimes when she was waiting to cross the road in the mornings on her way to work she would see him kiss a woman goodbye at the front of their workplace. Angie just assumed that the woman was his girlfriend, and thought no more of it.

At work their paths crossed more often, and their conversations were quite professional until one day Ray cracked a joke and made Angie laugh. Their friendship developed and she found herself talking about her own relationship problems when they’d go for walks in their lunch hour. One day, Ray said, “You do know that I’ve got a girlfriend, don’t you?” He went on to say that he was still married and living together with his wife and children, and that his wife knew about his girlfriend. Ray explained that they were in an open, polyamorous relationship.

When Ray got a message from his wife, Liz*, saying that she had arrived at her lover’s house to engage in some afternoon delight, Angie finally understood. She found this confronting, but also liberating. Hearing that two adults could have an honest and open relationship with such a high level of communication was astounding to her.

Angie and Ray’s relationship became closer and eventually they found themselves in a physical relationship. Ray told her that he openly discussed their relationship with his wife, and of Liz’s positive reaction to the events. A week later, Angie met Liz.

*Names have been changed to protect identities