PolyOz

Polyamory is a hybrid word: poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love. It has been independently coined by several people, including Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart whose article "A Bouquet of Lovers" (1990) is widely cited as the source of the word, and Jennifer Wesp who created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory in 1992. However, the term has been reported in occasional use since the 1960s, and even outside polygamous cultures such relationships existed well before the name was coined; for one example dating from the 1920s, see William Moulton Marston.

Be my Valentine asks Eric Francis Coppolino in his article published @ Chronogram Magazine January 31, 2011

When I first started writing for Chronogram, I succeeded in causing a controversy.

Oh really? you say. And how was that?

Well, I wrote a three-part series on polyamory—that is, on what some call “responsible nonmonogamy” and others call “open relationships.” I guess this was around 1997. It seems like so long ago. I started the first of the three articles by coming out of the closet as polyamorous; I thought it was a good idea to get that fact out of the way. I love relationships and the art of relating, and I like to connect with whomever it feels right to relate to, in whatever way is mutually agreeable. (Trust me, those terms and conditions don’t leave a lot of room for the anarchy you may think is brewing.)

It might seem like a silly question.  I mean, if you are poly, then there can be no cheating, right?  This is entirely false, and I will show you why.

When you enter into a poly relationship, you hopefully do so with the consent and the knowledge of all those involved.  When you find a new girlfriend, you do not “forget” to tell her about your wife, nor do you remove your wedding ring when you head to the bar.  For unmarried couples who are getting into poly, these same rules apply.  To do otherwise is deceptive to the person that is kept in the dark.

Let me make it clear, also, that if you are having sex with other people and your partner does not know… this is not poly, it is cheating.  Trying to dress it up with a legitimate label is false, and it sure won’t save your butt when you get caught.
That said, it is also important to know that poly relationships differ from each other.  My husband and I are fluid bonded (obviously), but we are not allowed within our relationship to have unprotected sex with other people.  If I were to go enjoy some fellow, everything would be find in our world.  If I did so without a condom, it would be a violation of his trust, and would be considered cheating.  Some couples require that sex only be engaged in when both members of the couple are present with the third (or more).  Some prefer that their partner inform them at least 24 hours before they have a date.  Some require permission before anyone is allowed to enjoy another person physically.

Whatever the limits of the poly relationship, breaking those limits is a betrayal of trust and, yes, it is cheating.  Some people even cheat on purpose, perhaps seeing the person that they care for but that their primary partner does not approve of.  In poly, trust and respect are very important, and cheating is a devastating betrayal of trust to which even we are not immune.

Original Article © March 5, 2008 Polyamory from the Inside Out

For some, being polyamorous provides more love and support for the kids than does being in a monogamous household.

Polyamory -- the notion that committed love relationships can involve more than two consenting adults -- is a bit like swinging, with one key difference: Love and commitment are  the focus, not sexual hookups. For some, polyamorous relationships involve three or more adults, and no other new partners ever enter the equation. For others, polyamory becomes an even more fluid family dynamic.

Raising kids in a polyamorous household has its advantages, say polyamorists. After all, more adults means more hands to help with household chores such as doing laundry, making dinner, getting kids ready for bed and scheduling playdates. With more adults, there's also more money to go around. Kids enjoy the benefits of a large, extended family network. Polyamorous parents insist that their kids also learn valuable communication skills simply from watching their parents navigate the tricky terrain of managing more than one lover at a time.

Aticle originally published in More Intelligent Life May, 2010

© Catherine Nixey / More Intelligent Life

How many lovers are too many? Catherine Nixey ventures into the burgeoning world of polyamory to find out ...

Special to MORE INTELLIGENT LIFE

If you are having trouble finding "The One", then spare a thought for polyamorists, who must also find "The Two", "The Three" and, in some cases, "The Three and a Half". "Finding the right partner is hard," says Erich, a polyamorist (who prefers not to disclose his surname). "Finding the right partner whose partner is also right..." Erich shakes his head. "Now that's really hard."

As anyone with a passing knowledge of professional golf, royal families or Premier League football understands, the practice of taking several lovers is hardly novel. What makes polyamory unique is that everyone knows about each other and is even pleased about it. Sometimes they even become lovers themselves.

Origianlly published - The Times April 8, 2005

© Jane Shilling / The Times

Some of you may be thinking that this is just a fancy new word for what our grandparents used daringly to call “free love” — a form of behaviour which, in one guise or another, has surely been going on as long as human reproduction itself. But there is evidently more to it than that, for a couple of polyamorous psychologists, Dr Meg Barker of London South Bank University and Ani Ritchie of the Southampton Institute, have gone to all the trouble of presenting a paper on the phenomenon to the British Psychological Society.

Miss Ritchie and Dr Barker are themselves polyamorous, as it happens, with each other, and lots of other people as well. This is how it works: Dr Barker has “two main partners — Ani and Erich — and two other fairly regular partners. I live with two, spending about half my time with each, and see the other two maybe once a week. Two are male, two are female.” Oh, do try and keep up at the back.

Initially, the polyamorists were anxious about polyphobia from friends and family — “coming out is hard”. But, as Dr Barker cheerily remarked: “After an initial ‘Eek!’ most of them have settled down to the idea.” As for the children of these polyandrous ménages, well, they’re fine too: “Some of us have children and they’re as good as any parent.” Though how she can be sure, until those children grow up into happy, well balanced adults — or not, as the case may be — she does not say.

Leaving aside, for a moment, the objections to polyamory of traditional Christian morality, to which British society still vaguely adheres as an ideal, it is still not hard to think of reasons not to become polyamorous. All the skittering about from household to household, for a start. Half a week with one lover, half with the other, plus a couple of nights with each other’s others. You’d have to keep a full set of kit in every household: four toothbrushes, four hairbrushes, four lots of face cream, and tights and underwear . . . Imagine the expense!

OPENING A CONVERSATION ABOUT MULTIPLE LOVERS, HONESTY AND RESPECT IS NO SIMPLE MATTER, SAYS REBECCA FITZGIBBON

- article originally published Hobart Mercury 23/2/2008 -

THE thought-provoking Big Love returns to Tasmanian television screens tonight, as SBS repeats the challenging drama about a Mormon polygamist family in Utah.

The series caused only a few ripples of disapproval when it aired last year, even though it coincided with a real-life news story of a Mormon "prophet" accused of incest and rape.

But polygamy is only one form of polyamory and the creators of Big Love aimed to show that polyamorous relationships aren't just for fringe cults

The word "polyamory" comes from the Latin for "many loves". Also called "consensual non-monogamy", polyamory is essentially a romantic relationship involving more than two people.

A defining factor of poly relationships is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else's involvement.

Former Tasmanian Shane Jones is administrator of the Australian online network of poly communities, PolyOz (polyoz.dhs.org).

Now living in Victoria, he believes the important goal is encouraging understanding. "Big Love does actually portray well in that the women are there by their own choosing they join the relationship," he said. "The important thing is that it's made clear to people that no one is coerced into it.

"[Big Love] does portray them in quite an enjoyable and recognisable light; I think anyone can relate to that. Big Love's creators have done quite well."
Channel 9 declined a first option for screening Big Love. Then, after its success on SBS, Nine approached Shane, his two female partners and other PolyOz members with an interview request from 60 Minutes.

They declined the interview, as well as one with Woman's Day, which offered $3000 each for interviews. Potential sensationalism made them wary, despite their being willing to discuss the reality of polyamorous life.

"Acceptance is the biggest thing," Shane said. "The challenge that we're facing today is probably what the gay community was facing in the '70s . . . and educating the public that we're not a bunch of child molesters or preying at large, out to get people."

A new frankness about simultaneous relationships is sweeping the US, reports Paul Harris in New York - The Observer

Sometimes Nan Wises in-laws pop round on Sunday afternoons. They settle down with Nan, a psychotherapist, her husband John, a lawyer, and their two children to watch American football on TV.

So far, so all-American: a slice of suburban life on the outskirts of New York. But sometimes Johns long-term girlfriend drops by, as does Nans boyfriend. The Wises are not divorced. In fact, Nan says her marriage to John is as strong as ever. We are very normal, well-adjusted people, she said.

Well, sort of normal. Welcome to the world of the polyamorous, where the family is bigger than you might expect. Polyamorists do not limit themselves to one relationship but maintain numerous relationships, straight or gay. A key element is that they are all serious emotional commitments, not just casual sex.

And polyamorists are coming out of the closet across America. Several groups have sprung up. In New York, Polyamorous NYC holds monthly meetings, has an email list of about 800 and holds a Poly Pride day each year in Central Park. A documentary, Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family, has opened at cinemas in the city, chronicling a 13-year relationship between three people living together in a relationship that produced two children.