"We get a lot of people coming to the website thinking we're a swingers' website," he said. "Sex is good, but we're not all about that."
Shane and Michelle met on an internet dating site soon after she ended a 17-year monogamous marriage. Discovering that their children were to attend the same school in regional Victoria,they decided they could offer each other moral and emotional support living together.
"The break-up of my marriage was because my husband had an affair and did it all behind my back," Michelle said.
Shane was open with Michelle from the start about his relationship with another woman.
Helen and her daughter visit every couple of months, which Michelle says is like having family come to stay.
"When I met him . . . I had to do some soulsearching. I looked at the positives and negatives. It ended up being that his [having a] girlfriend wasn't as big a negative as I thought it would be," she said.
"For both Shane and me, it's more a case of us being honest with the fact that we all love in different ways and there are different types of love. It doesn't have to be your traditional monogamous relationship. "When I met him . . . I had to do some soulsearching. I looked at the positives and negatives. It ended up being that his [having a] girlfriend wasn't as big a negative as I thought it would be," she said.
"For both Shane and me, it's more a case of us being honest with the fact that we all love in different ways and there are different types of love. It doesn't have to be your traditional monogamous relationship."
"It's not [like] going off to have an affair because it's exciting and wrong . . . It's about being honest with our feelings and saying "Yes, I do have another partner that I care for and I still want it to be open". I found that very refreshing rather than being in a relationship where I was never allowed to tell my partner my feelings and be listened to and respected
. . . Nothing is hidden."
"Being accommodating of your partner's emotional needs with other partners is not enough - you have to be supportive as well," she said. "Polyamory is a journey and a lifestyle evolvement. Definitely for us, it's not about sex - it's about having a loving relationship that is valid for all of us."
"Polyamory is a step back to having an extended family, only slightly different. It's more about having a true relationship with partners, not so much having a segregated family."
One man, two women is the common image of polyamorous situations, but relationships vary greatly.
Karrie Reader is a Hobart graduate student who lives with two male partners in a triad (a three-way relationship). She discovered the PolyOz and PolyTas communities in conversation at the Falls Festival last summer, discovering that there was a term to describe the lifestyle she had lived all of her adult life.
"It was interesting to discover that there's such a variety of people who share the basic philosophy that it's perfectly normal to love multiple people, "as long as everyone knows about it." Karrie said.
"Honesty, to me, is paramount. If this person you've just fallen in love with isn't important enough to you to be completely honest, you shouldn't be with them."
It has long frustrated Karrie to see TV, books and media portraying relationships with one member hurt by his or her supposedly monogamous partner having another relationship. "Many people who try to live a monogamous lifestyle find they're in a situation where they're at least tempted," she said.
"If they choose to act on the temptation and fail to talk to their partner about it, eventually the truth will be discovered, and people will get hurt. Discussing it beforehand is to me the only sane, logical approach."
Karrie has not felt jealous of other partners herself, but if her partners are exhibiting signs of jealousy, they talk it out.
"When you're secure in yourself, you're secure in your relationships," she said. "Jealousy is a symptom, not a problem. You've got to find the problem and solve it, "and sometimes you can . . ."
The PolyTas community is supportive and welcoming, Karrie said, even if Tasmania is more conservative than other states.
Tasmania's ground-breaking relationship register is leading the nation in recognising the rights of same-sex couples, but it does not presently permit multiple relationship registration.
At present, Australians seem to be more comfortable denying the existence of an intelligent, moral polyamorous community. But Big Love provoked little controversy here, said Katherine Raskov, marketing communications manager for SBS.
"We've had a lot of positive feedback about Big Love," Raskov said. "re re-running it on Saturday nights so it's more accessible to more people. I think it appeals to a wide proportion of the community."
"It's a really entertaining program. It's a family drama, a different kind of family, but a family drama nonetheless."
- Big Love begins tonight on SBS at 8.30.
