PolyOz

Hi all, It has been months and months since ,my last blog. I have been very busy tho. I am now an old married woman. Tastiger and I walked down the aisle on Valentine's Day some say that's very romantic cynics like me says its so Tas can remember the date. All told it was a glorious day and I was the happiest I have been in years. Tas was absolutely the most stunning groom. I was in tears the moment I saw him, even tho I knew the suit he had picked out I was still floored when I saw him. It was wonderful to have Tas' other love there to help us celebrate and for her to know we maybe married but our attitude to her hasn't changed. She is still a large part of our lives and our feelings toward the relationship are the same. We are lucky we have found each other but we are just as lucky to have her in our life. The day was spent enjoying family which is the thing Tas and I value most. It was a fun filled day with great company and lots of laughs, mostly at my wardrobe malfunctions. Nothing says light hearted like a bride with a busted zip. I could see the headlines wedding party thrown out of registry office for exposure. Closeness is when everyone had to have a turn at re-zipping the brides dress including the celebrant. So the day was nothing if not light hearted but full of meaning to us. I have gone back to school this year to study. So my life is now more full than before but I am hoping to find time to get back into being more of a presence on here again. Thank you to everyone for their warm wishes and Hopefully I will be updating this blog more regularly even if it is just an excuse to put off my homework and escape into the land of Polyoz for ten minutes to catch up with all the goss. I am a sucker for goss. I also my apologies to everyone about Sunday chat I am finding time has a way of evaporating on me and I find it's 5pm Sunday and I have missed chat again. I promise myself I will make it each week and I haven't so now I'm going to set a alarm on my phone so hopefully I will catch some of you on Sunday at 3 for a goss or serious chat I never mind either.

PS. Tas will be attaching pics here. I can't as I'm a puter dumbie

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Sometimes two people have the same point of view about something, but differ in how to acheive the outcome associated with that point of view and the importance of that objective. Some musings from one of those two people...

You asked the other day in the car why the big sigh? Let me try and explain.

You and I have been muddling about in this poly-sexual swamp for a while, like two lost sheep looking for the path to green pastures of enlightenment. Where is the shepherd to guide us on this path of our growing emotional and sexual enlightenment? We have been searching for enlightenment and guidance for a number of years but the only knowledge we have gathered regarding our polyamorous leanings has been from underground or isolated communities on the net, or from small groups of people finding their way along the same path and who often know less than we do. Why can’t we walk into the “Institute for Responsible Non-Monogamists” and grab a brochure that explains what we are feeling, why we are feeling it, how we can express and act on our desires in a constructive way, with whom and where can we meet them?

We have a special, but not unique, relationship. The nature of our relationship allows us to share ourselves, and each other, with other people. You know what I mean by sharing ourselves - we have discussed it a thousand times! We are comfortable sharing some of our emotional and physical selves with other people. We are also comfortable with each other sharing some of our emotional and physical selves with others - within the bounds we agreed early on. In fact, not only do we approve of each other exploring intimate (sexual and/or non-sexual) relationships with others we like and trust, but we encourage and support each other to do so.

I know I am going over old ground but I see our relationship as very special in two ways. The first is from the perspective of between just you and me. Our relationship is such that we trust and understand each other implicitly. Therefore we are secure and not threatened by allowing each other to give to others what would traditionally be reserved for only us (if we look at it from the perspective of the broad, generally accepted, definition of marriage). This is a gift we have given each other and provides our relationship with another dimension that is not that common. It’s a gift we have given each other to allow each other to have new experiences with others in a responsible non-destructive way.

The second way our relationship is special is that we have so much to share with others. We want to share emotional intimacy (kindness, friendship, trust, tenderness, love) and physical intimacy (cuddling, flirting, touching, kissing, sex) with others that we consider close and like minded friends. We want to be poly-intimate – intimate (emotionally and physically) with others. We have such a wonderful gift to give! It is something precious and rare to offer selected and trusted friends in our lives. We can give a richness and joy to our friendships that can potentially elevate them into a relationship that transcends the normal boundaries of mainstream friendship experiences. It can add new and beautiful mental, emotional and physical levels to what we would normally consider friendships. Our outlook on physical and emotional intimacy is something we give to each other and offer it to others too.

We can and have given the gift of our companionship, caring, support, trust, tenderness, warmth, love, lust, minds and bodies to others (and others have the same to offer us). We have had only few opportunities to share this gift. Why? Because what we, and a minority of others, believe in is not considered mainstream; it goes against generally accepted parameters of friendships, relationships and monogamous customs and this makes it more difficult for us to acheive. This is not a criticism of mainstream society or our friends, this is just the way our friends have been brought up and choose to live their lives this way, as we should all have the right to do. However, you and I choose something different.

You and I have had many conversations on how we would classify ourselves. While we agree that we must resist any labels, or being boxed into a particular ‘type’, we do need to be able to articulate and understand where our perspective and attitudes fit within the ‘relationship type’ spectrum. If we don’t have language and concepts to describe this, we will never understand our place and our views.

So how do we describe our outlook? Are we monogamists? We started out that way but as time exposed us to more and more alternative ways of thinking about relationships, our views became more accepting of these alternatives. Are we then Polygamists? Not quite, we don’t want to be married to multiple partners as you and I are still the most important people to each other, the people we want to share 99% of our time, minds and bodies with. Then there are polyamorists, people with primary and secondary relationships and then some partners that practise responsible non-monogamy with consenting partners. While this category is closest to what we feel, it still isn’t quite there.

We are not looking for Primary partners and Secondary partners. We still only have one partner but we are looking for friends where the boundaries of the friendship are extended to include a greater emotional and physical intimacy. So does that mean if we are not Polyamorists, in the generally accepted understanding of the term, that we are Polyintimates? Bear with me, I think I am making up terms. Polyintamacy for us means that we are emotionally and physically intimate with some friends. 

We’ve had the great pleasure of experiencing this a few times in the past. You remember Steve, you had a level of affection and physical intimacy with him that you both savoured and enjoyed. He was nervous at first about this but he soon realised that this wasn’t something you were doing behind his best friends back, that it was honest and transparent to me. He adored you, he was my best and closest friend and he cherished the way our friendship had a new level of emotional and physical intimacy. He treasured the way you touched him, your hand on his thigh or around his waist at the bar or the warm and lingering kiss hello or goodbye, or the way you ravished eachother's bodies in fits of lust and passion or the way we would all sit cuddled on the couch in our underwear and watch movies, or in the Spa, naked and drunk on cheap wine, love and life. Or remember Carolyn, when she used to stay over and we would all share our double bed. You two would be in your skimpy satin nighties and would tease me, nibbling my ears and pressing your bodies against me and kiss me and run your hands over me and then we would all fall asleep in each others arms.

Some days I am passive about meeting other like minded people and I think maybe one day we will find someone to share our gift with, maybe not. This is your view - if it occurs again it would be great and if it doesn't, then it doesn't. I respect your views. But some days I think we should actively find someone to share our gift with, someone to experience the joy of our intimacy. I fear that one day we will be old and always wonder what it would have been like and never be able to go back to and experience it. That was why I sighed. I was sad because we have a beautiful, tender, intimate gift to share but no one to share it with. I do respect your wishes and your approach, and I will wait for you, however some days I can’t stop thinking about all that potential...

My own T-shirt/postcard design that comes with the words "Why choose?"

I made this as a postcard design, along with many others, for sexpo, and then got it printed up as a T-shirt as well.  Unfortunately I have to edit it a bit to make it ok to where in general public as you can see rude girl bits, but as is I can still wear it a few places :)

Wow where to start im writing about the lond weekend out at Gary's in Mandurang near Bendigo.

It was a great turn out that camped out on the Queen's Birthday weekend. The weather was kind to us for most of the weekend until we wanted to pack up the tents then it rained.

Personally it was a complete blast and i loved it. It was great seeing all the kids getting along so well. I  was amazed that we had about 10 kids and not a single argument all weekend.

The adults also got along so well and we all fet very welcome and the community feel of the weekend was great.  The communial cooking was a huge success. It was great for me to meet some of the faces that go with the nicks I have learnt from here.

It was a very relaxing time and afterward i was more relaxed than i think i have been in years. So to all that came along thanks for a great time and Tinymoose you have magical hands and advice to all if she offers you a massage do yourself a favour and except.

Gary thank you soooooooo much for your hospitallity it was wonderful and I will get out there soon I promise to collect the tents.

I cant wait till the next trip is planned.

Hopefully I will get to some of the Melbourne get togethers soon.

Love to all Tigersgirl.